2015 Round Up: Laughs, Lessons And Losses - PERSONAL

06:40

Wow. So my personal life has probably been the most transformative this year. But instead of writing a REAALLYYYY long essay like my last post, I think im just gonna highlight some of the best and worst of the year and the many MANY lessons I’ve learnt. Without much ado, lets get started.

THE BEST

My Career- As you’ve probably read in my previous post, a lot of things happened in 2015. I got the honor of working on some pretty awesome projects with some pretty amazing and talented people. I’m really excited too see where my career is going to go this year.

Mountview- Getting an offer from this amazing school was definitely one of the biggest highlights of the year. I had applied to drama schools for the last 2 years, so to finally get a place in such a prestigious school was humbling.

Special Person- I had the honor of being able to share a part of my year with someone who has become very special to me. Said person taught me so much about the industry and more importantly, an incredible amount about myself, and for that I will forever be grateful. They will definitely ALWAYS have a special place in my heart.

Babies – Ok so anyone who knows me, knows that I am literally as maternal as maternal gets. So you can only imagine my excitement when I got a new baby this year. And yes, he didn’t exactly come from my tummy but he came from my heart. Can’t wait to teach him all the weird and dumb things I’ve taught his big brother (aka my bunny). Love you Jamba Juice.

Vroom Vroom- Yup. After TWENTY FOUR ridiculous years of not driving, I FINALLY got the courage to actually use my driving license and get behind the wheel. And surprisingly, it really wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. All of a sudden I have the freedom to go wherever I want without worrying about cab fare eating into half my money. That being said, having a car is EXPENSIVE. I have experienced the pain of having a purse full of cash and knowing I can enjoy ANY of it because of fuel expenses. I feel like a proper adult and I’m not sure if I like it. JUST KIDDING, IT’S THE BEST!!!

GOD- This one really should have come first but oh well. Anyway, after God knows how many years, I actually went to church. It wasn’t the catholic churches I grew up with, but I actually loved it. The second half of 2015 was actually really spiritually reviving for me in general. I think I had gotten so comfortable in living in the space of, ‘I don’t know what I believe’ that I had pretty much stopped even trying to answer that question. But thanks to a certain special person and their awesome friend, I actually feel like I’m really close to finally finding God. And that’s super exciting for me.

The WORST

Harry Ebale- I honestly thank God that I only have one bad moment that was bad enough o be mentioned in this list. That being said, the loss that I, along with everyone in the industry suffered was immeasurable. I lost a really talented coworker and an exception friend this year. There are a million nice things I could say about Harry and dozens of amazing conversations and encounters I have had with him. He was truly and remarkable soul. The world has lost an angel but is definitely better for having had him for as long as we did. I have definitely not accepted that I’m never going to have a conversation with him again – I literally still expect to see on set or stage somewhere soon – but it is comforting to know he is in a better place. Harry you are missed.

The Lessons

When I look back on 2015, the things I am the most proud of is the level of personal growth and self-reflection I have gone through this year. I have learnt so much about myself, those around me, and the world in general. Here are just a few of those lessons. Maybe some of them will resonate with you.

Be Selfish- I think most, if not all of us have heard the saying about making sure your cup is full before you can overflow and give to others. 2015 is definitely the year I internalized that. You see, I am most definitely a people pleaser. I love people being happy and cared about and acknowledged and loved and I love being a part of giving that to them. And I love that about myself. I definitely never want to change that. What I’ve realized however, is that my problem is I give so much to people, without paying attention or considering what they give back to me. And when I started observing how people treat me, I started noticing that quite a few people were not exactly positively adding to my life. Some were blatantly using me, other disrespecting me and some crossing boundaries I wont even discuss. And the shocking part is they acted as if it was totally an ok behavior. And all of a sudden I had an aha moment. People treated me however they wanted because I let them. They expected their needs and wants to be more important to me than my own because THEY WERE. And they treated me however which way they wanted because I never set boundaries and there were never any consequences to crossing the line. Its crazy how obvious this lesson is, yet it took me soooo long to learn it But hey better late than never right? I have vowed that 2016 is going to be my year of selfishness. I’m going to set boundaries and speak up when they are crossed. I’m going to put MY wants and needs first and consider those of others only when mine are satisfied. And probably the most challenging for me, I am going to start saying NO to people without guilt. It sounds way easier than it will be but I am determined to fill my cup this year.

Ask And You Will Receive- Along with being a people pleaser, I am also a super independent person. I don’t like to rely on people because I hate not being in control and risking being let down. Because of that, I find it incredibly hard to ask for help even when I know I need and WANT it. Over the years I’ve seen how detrimental that has been in my relationships with workmates, family, friends and romantic partners. But what a certain someone taught me this year, is that people who value you really do WANT to give you what you want. All you have to do is trust that they wont fail you and ask for what you want. I know this one is going to take me a good long while to get comfortable with but like I said, this is the year of healthy selfishness so I’m resolute. 2016 will be the year I ask for what I want. Communication is key (right, special someone? J),

EGO- Now there is the Ego Beyoncé talks about in her songs and then there is mine. My ego is HUGE! GINORMOUS! And this isn’t something I’ve only just learnt. I am literally sooo stubborn that I will purposefully not do something I had every intention of doing simply because someone else has asked me to do it. Mind you, this is even if it is beneficial to me. Crazy, right? And up to now I’ve put all the blame on my Taurean personality but I’ve come to the realization that I’ve let go of one too many opportunities and missed out on one too many experience because of my not-so-little friend EGO. Ego, its been fun, but I just don’t see a future between us. I think we need to go our separate ways in 2016. No hard feelings! Right?

And with the sendoff of my ego, I now feel ready to bid a farewell to 2015. I’d like to wish everyone a magnificent 2016. May we all grow,, prosper, laugh and love. I cant wait to share my 2016 journey with you all.

Be Blessed.