Being Selfish is not only a good thing, it’s necessary.

I don’t know about you but I grew up attaching selfishness to shame. And because of that, I grew up with a need to always put others first. I was convinced that there was something admirable about prioritizing someone else’s happiness at the expense of my own discomfort or self-respect. And let’s just say I was uncomfortable a lot, and disrespected even more. Add onto that the fact that I’m a people pleaser and you have one ugly unhealthy way of life.

Fast forward to the last year which I spent in London on my own and I am proud to say that I have discovered the unbelievable joy of selfishness. Completely guilt-free scrumptious SELFISHNESS. You know the saying about a person needing to fill their own cup first before giving to anyone else? It is sooooo true!  It finally dawned on me how badly I was treating myself as compared to how well I treated those around me. Furthermore, how much I attached my joy and contentment to other people rather than to myself.  The truth is you have to show yourself the love, respect and attention that you would show to your most cherished person. If you would take your daughter out for dinner, take YOURSELF out for dinner. If you would buy your mother a full spa day treat, buy YOURSELF an extravagance spa day. And if you would sacrifice hours of your day to spend quality time with your significant other, you better be ready to make some quality time for yourself.
 Because of this epiphany, I have started the transformational practice of SOLO DATES. I found that I was willing to spend time and money doing cool and exhilarating things with my then-boyfriend, but the second we broke up, the idea of spending money to have a nice dinner seemed absurd. But why should it? Did I become less worthy of a nice dinner because I no longer had someone to share it with? HELL NO. So once a week, or as often as I can, I stop and ask myself, ‘What can I do for YOU to make YOU happy?’ And if I’ve been craving pizza, then it’s off to the best pizza place. Or if I’ve wanted to get my nails done, then it’s off to the manicurist. The key here is to go and enjoy yourself and feel NO GUILT. And if your bank account begins to grumble in disapproval stop and ask yourself, ‘if I was buying this pizza for my boyfriend/husband because it was his favourite or if I was buying my mum a manicure because I wanted her to feel loved, would I mind spending the money then?’ Let’s just say your bank account will quickly learn to stop the grumbling. Plus not every indulgence has to cost money. Your indulgence might be leaving your kids with their dad and going to a park to sit on a bench for 2 hours with your phone off, or allocating 5 hours to binging on trash TV with no guilt. 

Be nice to yourself so you never NEED anyone to be nice to you. Fill your OWN cup people. And enjoy adding each and every drop.

Until Tomorrow,
The Selfish Blogger

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  1. Great and timely advice. I am so busy doing for others that I rarely remember to do anything for myself. Good for you that you realized this YEARS before I have!

  2. This is such good advice! I wish more people would share their life lessons with the world!

  3. I too am a people pleaser! We SO need to put ourselves first so that we can be better able to love those around us. Good for you for taking time for you and realizing that it is more than okay!

  4. I love this so much. One of my goals for next year is to focus on taking care of ME!

  5. I think that taking care of yourself is a great thing. So often we neglect this and put everything in front of our own self care. It literally does no one any good if you are taking care of others, but inside you are breaking down or unhappy. Great reflections and good on you for sharing publicly.

    Thrifting Diva

  6. Such a sweet post with great advice! Thanks for sharing, your blog is beautiful!

  7. It's so true that you really need to practice self-love on a regular basis, as opposed to depending on others to love yourself for you. It's hard to do sometimes, but makes a huge impact on your overall well-being.