RELATIONSHIPS: What I've Learnt About Love
13:31
Hey Guys,
So it’s been
quite a while since I’ve written a relationship post, and with love in the air I
thought I’d write a little something about what I’ve learnt about love over the
recent months because I’ve learnt A LOT.
I hope some of this stuff is relatable, and if its not, share your personal views and opinions in the
comment section. I love hearing and
learning from you guys.
Love is a choice – I was recently on a road trip with
some of my cousins and their dad, who happens to be someone I very much look up
to, and we were having a conversation about love and what it is at its
core. After a philosophical debate and
airing our various opinions, my uncle – who has been married to my aunt for
over 20 years – summarized it into 4 words.
Love is a choice. It’s not a
helpless obsession or feeling in your gut – those feelings come and go. Loving someone is making a choice every single
day to be there for them and share yourself and your life. It’s a decision to work on your relationship
when it is good and when it isn’t. It’s
being there when they are happy and when they are sad, when they are caring and
when they are selfish, and most importantly, when you are ‘in love’ and when
you aren’t.
Love is work – This is something we ALWAYS hear from
pretty much everyone who ever talks about relationships. And it is 100% true. Love requires work, and A LOT of it. But what I’ve come to realize is that 90% of
that work is working on YOURSELF. And
let me tell you, that work is the HARD work.
A relationship, especially a productive one, will push insecurities and
weaknesses that you had been ignoring right in your face and force you to deal
with them for your own good and the good of the relationship. For me, the one that slapped me in the face
the hardest was learning to communicate.
I mean I knew I was bad at it but OH MY GOSH I was waaayyyyyy worse at
it than I thought. Mostly because I usually
just don’t communicate at all. And while
it’s has been a big challenge to get over that and improve, it has also been
super rewarding. And that’s the best
part about trudging through the work of it all; if you have a supportive
partner, you end up with not only a better relationship, but an even better
you. And that to me makes it all worthwhile.
Love requires
forgiveness – This one
was a lot harder for me to come to terms with than I expected. Forgiving is hard. When you give your heart to someone, you
expect for them not to hurt it. And when
they do, you question their love for you and whether they deserve to have your
heart at all. But the reality of the
situation is that the person that you love WILL hurt you. And they will probably hurt you badly and on
multiple occasions. What’s important is
that you examine their motives when they do
hurt you. If they are purposefully
hurting you or crossing lines that you made clear were not to be crossed, then
I say run for the hills and don’t look back.
But if you truly believe they hurt you unknowingly (as they will do a
lot) or made an honest mistake, maybe they are worth another chance. And as painful or as challenging as it may
be, you are going to have to find a way to forgive them and open yourself up to
them again if you want a lasting relationship.
It is super hard, but in my experience, it does get easier over time.
Love is accepting
someone as they are – I have to say that I (along with many women) have really
had a hard time with this. I’m a Taurus
so I am crazy stubborn and I like things to be done the way I feel they should
be done. More so, I’m a hopeless
romantic who was obsessed with instagram ‘relationship gurus’ like Horatio
Jones (if you follow him, please please please do yourself a favour and take
his advice with a pinch of salt). The
result is that I had all these crazy and unrealistic expectations about how a
man should be and behave. So when I got
into a relationship, I expected him to live up to my COMPLETELY UNREALISTIC
expectations. And when he didn’t, I was
hurt. I mean did he refuse to hold my
hand in public and ‘claim me’ because he didn’t love me? And why wasn’t he as affectionate as I
was. Clearly I didn’t mean anything to
him, right? Sooooo wrong. I have learnt THE HARD WAY that a huge part
of love is learning about your significant other and accepting them as they
are. They may not cuddle you every 5
minutes but they might buy your flowers every week instead. People are unique. They have different love languages, different
ways of dealing with conflict, and various mannerisms that can only be learnt
with time. When you stop looking at
him/her through the lens of your expectations, you begin to see them and all
their positive attributes all the more clearly.
Love is magical
– I love love. It is exhilarating and confusing and fun and
comforting and truly magical. It’s
amazing to have someone who knows you in a way that nobody does and appreciates
you for just being you. More so it’s so special
to be a part of someone’s life story and have the opportunity to support and
help them grow. And MOST IMPORTANTLY it
is the best thing in the world to have someone who you can cuddle with. Yes people, my name is Melissa and I’m a
cuddling addict.
So all in all
what I’ve learnt about love is that it is hard and challenging, but is honestly
the most rewarding and fulfilling experience you’ll ever have. As I said above, if you have a differing
opinion or if you agree with me, let me know in the comment section below.
Until Next
Time,
A Loving
Taurus
15 comments
Nice post - you mention things which I think a lot of people take for granted and forget. Thank you for reminding me!
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely post :)
ReplyDeleteAwesome reasons, I agree 100%
Sammy @ Www.bargainbaglady.com
lovely post!! Completely agree with you when discussing that a lot of work being done is on yourself. I have been married for ten years and have worked hard on becoming a better version of myself!
ReplyDeleteTotally agree! As Marl Twain said "Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."
ReplyDeleteAll these things are so true about love, I recently wrote about something similar. :)
ReplyDeletelove is life and ilike the fact you outlined love in various ways...
ReplyDelete#leXHansplaCE
I have been going through some really tough times with my boyfriend lately, so this post has really helped me, thank you !
ReplyDeletehttp://www.lafauxparisienne.com/2016/02/travel-truth-about-parisian-lifestyle.html
All so true! very insightful, great article
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed reading your perspective on love. Being married 12 years, I completely agree with your viewpoints. Love is not easy, it is hard work, but is SO worth it!
ReplyDeleteLoved reading this post. Most people assume that marriage is a bed of roses, but it is far from it. In order to have a successful marriage, you should be able to trust and forgive your partner and most importantly accept them for who they are and love them for it. Thanks for sharing. It was a very inspirational post.
ReplyDeletehttp://maryangela.in/50-questions-to-ask-your-spouse-valentines-special/
Love is a lot of work! But it comes with it's benefits :) Marriage is hard work and accepting who they are changes a lot as people change, it can be hard adjusting to who your partner is turning into when you are used to who they were.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, I am happy to say most of these I get. I have almost mastered forgiveness. Loving being a choice is the one I have a hard time with. Part of me still wants love to be one of those things you feel no matter what (unrealistic I know).
ReplyDeleteReally great post! I love love! :)
ReplyDeleteMy sister had a hard lump on the top of her foot. She tried the onion detox putting onions on herfoot during bed time after 4x of her application she was surprised that her lump soften and it become smaller. I think there's really an effect of this onion detox..
ReplyDeleteMy sister had a hard lump on the top of her foot. She tried the onion detox putting onions on herfoot during bed time after 4x of her application she was surprised that her lump soften and it become smaller. I think there's really an effect of this onion detox..
ReplyDelete